Are you familiar with the expression, “Happy wife, happy life?” During my wedding ceremony, our minister adjusted this phrase to, “Happy wife, happy husband, happy life.” I absolutely agreed with his statement! How could I be happy if my husband wasn’t?
Unfortunately, the truth is that many marriages do not work out. I won’t depress you with statistics but let’s just say that marriages are no longer “till death do us part.” Why is that? One reason is that many couples allow their love for one another to fade as the years go by.
Jesus Was Gentle, Humble in Heart (Matthew 11:29)
Jesus love for his disciples never changed, neither was how he treated them. His disciples certainly weren’t perfect, yet Jesus showed patience with them. As the scripture in Matthew chapter 11 verse 29 states:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (New International Version)
How can husbands imitate Jesus qualities of gentleness and humility? Like Jesus, husbands should focus on their wives’ positive qualities.
All of us have our negative qualities (yes all you wives out there, that includes us!) We each have personality traits that we are constantly working to improve.
Pride is a big issue for most men. But husbands need to put aside their pride and treat their wives with love and understanding. Jesus had every reason to be haughty and arrogant, he was perfect.
Yet he always displayed humility. In fact, he washed the feet of his apostles on one occasion and always placed their needs ahead of his own. Husbands can show their gentleness and humility through their words and actions.
Husbands, Love Your Wives (Ephesians 5:25)
Jesus loved us so much that he died for us. However, Jesus also showed in other ways that he valued people. He healed them, comforted them and gave them hope with his message about the future.
Husbands do not need grand gestures to show they value and cherish their wives. My husband knows how much I enjoy sushi. In fact, I LOVE sushi.
Not necessarily raw fish (sashimi) but the cooked seafood: lobster rolls, shrimp rolls, the list goes on (but I’ll stop myself here before I get too carried away!)
One day we had a particularly heated disagreement (can’t remember what it was about) but I was convinced that I was justified in my anger. (Sometimes we as wives feel that we’re always right when there’s an argument. Or maybe it’s just me…yikes!)
I’m pretty sure my husband also thought he was right, but to him, who was right or wrong wasn’t important. He wanted us to resolve our issue and thought of the best way of making me receptive to making up.
My husband went to my favorite sushi restaurant and bought me not one, but two of my favorite sushi rolls. To me, this was the equivalent of a diamond bracelet (but wayyy cheaper) and I promptly went from being upset to walking on sunshine.
As I was demolishing my sushi, we discussed what started the disagreement and made plans as to how we can prevent future misunderstandings.
Money is not needed to show wives that husbands care. During our premarital counseling, we studied the scripture at Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25 in depth:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. (Christian Standard Bible)
So, while my husband may never have the opportunity to show his love for me by giving up his life (though I’m certain he would,) he showed me the extent of his love by being mindful of my likes and dislikes.
Simply put, husbands can imitate the way Jesus paid attention to his disciples and gave them what they needed at the right time.
Some recommendations for husbands looking to show their love for their wives include but are not limited to:
- asking how they are doing, listening and responding accordingly
- setting up a romantic bath including bubbles, candles, bath bombs, mood lighting, and music
- cooking and/or cleaning
- ordering a nice dinner if cooking will cause more tension between the two of you
- watching the children (if any) while she spends some time for herself
- homemade cards and/or flower bouquets
- date night at home
You can find some of these items below or think of other romantic gestures!
Wives, Submit to Your Husbands (Ephesians 5:22,23)
Wives, I’m sure you will agree that sometimes it’s difficult to submit to an imperfect man. However, we must keep in mind that we are imperfect as well. The same patience that our husbands extend to us when we mess up (allegedly, hehe) we should extend to them.
I’m not a marriage expert but it is much easier to submit to my husband when I am assured that every decision he makes is out of love. That he is keeping me in mind when making choices and that he consults me on major decisions. We work well together as a team, not a dictatorship.
Today’s world promotes a spirit of independence for women which makes it difficult to “submit” to husbands.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being fairly treated. When I’m at work, I want to be evaluated based on my performance and not my gender.
I want to get paid what I’m worth and do not feel that my work is worth less than that of the men in my work field. However, this spirit of defiance and self-reliance should not be found in your marriage.
The headship arrangement that the bible discusses is for wives following the lead of their husbands. This isn’t a suggestion. The bible clearly states in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 and 23:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. (Christian Standard Bible)
If a woman cannot envision ever submitting to the man they are dating, they should hit the pause button on the relationship. They may need to pray to God and have a serious discussion with the man they are dating about their future together. Same goes for the man.
If he cannot gain the respect and submission of the woman he plans to marry, he needs to pray over the matter and have an honest conversation with himself and his potential wife.
Once again, men can learn from Jesus example, before and after they marry. Jesus was never domineering with his disciples. They not only loved him, they respected him.
Husbands should not only want their wives to love them, but to respect them and their decisions. This would make the marriage more comfortable and unified.
A Cord of Three Strands is Not Easily Broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Jesus never relied on his own strength. He prayed to his father in heaven on several occasions. Most memorable to me was when he prayed for hours throughout the night on the Mount of Olives when he knew he was about to be arrested, tortured and put to death.
Jesus prayed so fervently that night that “his sweat became as drops of blood…” (Luke 22:44 Christian Standard Bible)
How can husbands benefit from this example? Marriage is not easy, but it can be successful as long as we always include God in our decisions, small or big.
No matter what we are going through, husbands can take the lead in turning to God first or even praying to God with their wives.
During our premarital counseling, another point that stood out vividly to me was the scripture at Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 12:
A cord of three strands is not easily broken. (Christian Standard Bible)
The point of the scripture is simple. Two persons can become overwhelmed, two cords can be cut but a threefold cord cannot easily be broken. Keeping God in our marriage makes it stronger.
Facing opposition with three people is stronger than with two, especially if one of those persons is the Almighty God.
As perfect and powerful as Jesus was as a human, he still relied on father in heaven. This is an excellent pattern of husbands to follow. Husbands should never think they do not need help. The best source of help that husbands can find is right there in God’s word.
Husbands, Imitate Jesus Qualities for A Happy Marriage!
Husbands do not need to be perfect to follow Jesus perfect example. God would never ask us to do something that is impossible. If the bible encourages us to imitate Christ’s qualities, we KNOW that this is achievable.
By following how Jesus displayed the traits of gentleness and humility when dealing with his followers can certainly benefit the marriage. Cherishing, respecting and loving your wives is a sure recipe for a successful marriage.
The same is true when you show love and respect for your children. It creates a successful family. You can find more on my post, 3 Key Areas Parents Can Imitate Christ to Raise Happy Children.
Finally, husbands can be sure that when they do encounter obstacles in the marriage (and problems will occur) they can rely on God to help them. Husbands can take comfort in knowing that no issue is too big for God to solve. Yes, imitating Jesus qualities can certainly make husbands and wives happy!
Thank you for digging into these scriptural gems with me! What other qualities did Jesus display that husbands can imitate for a happy marriage? Please share in the comments below!